Tag Archives: Hope

Chapter 2-Part 3-The Road Less Traveled

It is 8:45 am and I hear Brian pull up in the driveway. I am ready to go. I have no idea where we are going, but due to the fact he asked me if I liked pets right before he asked what I was doing today, I am thinking it has something to do with animals. I love that he is not only on time, but early. I hear a knock at the door, and he just walks in right after knocking. He must feel pretty damn comfortable with me. What if I was naked or something? I looked at him strangely and he apologized for just walking in, but I have to admit, it didn’t bother me much. I don’t know anyone here, and that is probably why I am attaching to Brian so easily, but it is working for me right now, and making me feel like I have known him much longer.

He grabs my hand and says “C’mon, let’s go!!” and we jog out the door. I barely am able to grab my bag on the way out the door. He seems pretty excited for this to be a pet store run. I ask where we are going and he says it is a surprise.

After a terrifying ride in his car with his young, brave soul behind the wheel, we pull up to a restaurant on the beach. It is a beautiful seaside bistro and we are having breakfast. They have a beautiful spread for a buffet with all the things you could possibly imagine eating for breakfast. Bacon. I see bacon. Enough said.

After we are seated, we order our drinks and go straight to the buffet. I am still enamored at the fact that Brian knows of such a cool place, but growing up on the beach, I guess he knows most places out here. We sit down and start to eat. All of a sudden I feel light headed,┬ánauseous, and my head starts to pound. This is not normal. I have been feeling weird lately and getting a lot of headaches, but this is different. I don’t have insurance, so I am hoping it is nothing serious. Suddenly, I pass out, fall on the floor, and urinate all over my self. Thank God I am unconscious or I would have been hoping I was with all that embarrassment.

Next thing you know, I am in an ambulance being rushed to the hospital. I ask the paramedic what happened, and they told me. They also said Brian was right behind us in his car and would meet me at the hospital. Oh my God. I totally forgot about him. I feel awful now. He had something special planned and I ruined it. Wow. Great impression. My heart rate starts to go up when I think of this, and then I feel sick again. I felt my dress was wet, and figured I had an accident when I passed out. The paramedic left that part out trying to save me the shame, I guess. Next thing you know, my pulse drops and I pass out again.

I wake up in the hospital this time. I am hooked up to all kinds of monitors and machines. Nurses and a Dr. are all around me, and I see Brian behind them. We are in the ER and I am nervous now. I start to get scared, and when I say scared, I mean more terrified than I have ever been about my health. The Dr. tells me they are running all kinds of tests, and asked me a few questions. I was so nervous that I couldn’t really answer him. I fall asleep even with all the commotion. I just couldn’t keep my eyelids open.

I wake up to Brian sitting next to my bed, but this time I am in a room. They admitted me, and I feel awful. He smiles and looks at me with concern, but trying not to let me see it. I can read people’s eyes pretty good. I am usually right when I figure out how they are feeling. “I am so sorry” I say to him. He quickly replies telling me I have nothing to be sorry for, and that we will do what he planned when I am out of the hospital. Just then a Dr. walks in.

“Is it o.k. with you that Brian hears what is going on with you?” the Dr. asks. I think about it, but I have no idea what he is going to tell me. Brian figured this out, and excuses himself so that I don’t have to feel bad for asking him to leave. Awesome. “We got your blood tests results, and we think you may have cancer.” The Dr. said it so coldly. I mean, he didn’t even introduce himself. He is not the same one from the ER. He just strolls in here, plops down on a swivel stool, and says, basically, you are going to die. At least that is what anyone hears when they hear they have cancer, initially. In disbelief, I started to tear up, and it took all I had to get out the words “are you sure?” before he says they are pretty sure it is Hodgkins Lymphoma. I knew someone with this cancer before, and it is treatable, so that was a relief. I have no idea what stage I am in yet, and neither do they. He goes on to tell me there are several more tests to run, and scans to do before they come up with a chemo mixture for treatment. If necessary, radiation.

This morning I was having breakfast with a sexy 25 year old, and then within hours I am in the hospital preparing for the toughest road of my life. The Dr. says I am going to be there for a few days while they get what they need, and start treatment, and then I will be able to go home and just go to individual treatments after that. He asked if I had any questions, and I had millions, but wasn’t prepared to ask them yet. He gets up, leaves, and Brian knocks immediately on the door to come back in. He comes in, and can see it is not good news I just received. He didn’t ask any questions, and I didn’t reveal anything to him, but he knew enough that I needed someone, anyone, to hold me. He sat on the edge of my bed, grabbed, and pulled me to his chest. I started to bawl like a baby, and let me do that for minutes that seemed like hours. He never said a word. Finally, I gain my composure, look up at him and tell him I have cancer, and start to cry again.